alskuefhaih
asoiefh

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

welcome the wild


This is me. Not very wild looking am I. But it's not just my fault. I'm sure it's partly my environment that helped make me this way. There are certain restraints on preacher's kids. And well, such kids either comply or break free. Example: I never went to high school prom, or any other dances for that matter, much to the consternation of my football player boyfriend one year: "What! No prom??" I offered that he should take one of his friends who happened to be female, which he did. Magnanimous of me, no? To be perfectly truthful, I went to dances in the high school cafeteria a few times after football games, but I stood in the darkness at the back, away from the rotating disco ball above the dance floor and watched, smelling the weed on my friend Jeff's breath as we talked. Jeff didn't dance because, I don't know, maybe because he was high, too shy or too cool. We in my family weren't supposed to dance as it was too worldly. So, I've got Baptist feet. (The Methodists, in their church across the street from ours, danced right in their basement!) Happily, dancing commenced when my nieces and nephews started getting married. We Baptist-footed siblings have tried our best to move and not embarrass our children too badly at those weddings. I don't think we've succeeded at that, but we sure have a good time. (Sadly, this came after my parents had left the earth. I think they would have enjoyed watching us, and maybe dancing themselves too, in another life/world.)

I've been learning to put my arms around chaos for a while now (yay Beato! yay chaotic oscilations! yay Bishop!), to be more uninhibited, reckless. Since moving to the farm, I feel myself aligning more with the cycles of Nature. But outwardly, I don't seem to veer much from disciplined order and self-control. What's up with that? It's time to start some Druidic jumping over bonfires!

70 comments:

Nautankey said...

Aah speak abotu dancing.In my state weddings don't feature dances,dance means the classical one which is done in temples,like bharatnatyam.With a culture which had no place for dancing in day to day life you can imagine my situation when I go to parties.

I used to feel I am stuck in wet cement :)...but now I am slightly better.Also surprised to see my parents encouraging my 2 year old nephew's dance steps with talk about making him join the premier dance school at a young age..wish they had done some encouragement for my dance step too :)

Happy dancing and lets dance like fireflies.

Ruth said...

Oh, Nautankey, this makes me very happy. I am so glad to find another dance-deprived soul out there, even if it's for a different reason. And what is it about parents doing things for the grandkids we wish they'd done for us? I am totally preparing myself that I will hear that from my kids when they have their own chillens.

Ok, let's dance like fireflies. If you see them here on the farm though, they are very high in the trees, so it's a little dangerous, so be careful.

See, there I go again being cautious!

Susan said...

Oh, Ruth, I hope you always dance! Dancing is good for the soul.

Amy said...

Get out there and boogie down sista! Ok my best friend in the whole world got married...she was raised in just the way you described NO dancing allowed....and on her wedding night no one danced:( I found it to be pretty sad...(no alcohol was allowed either) which did not sadden me, but.... a lot of people standing around really stiff like was strange to me.... I think God loves to see us dancing:)

Ruth said...

Ah Susan, I can picture you and the grandkids, with the bok-boks, dancing to Martina McBride or Diana Krall. You and the grandkids would be quite graceful, but I think the bok boks would be a little jerky. But cute!

Ruth said...

Amy! That sounds just like our wedding. Boring boring boring. Don and I have talked about throwing another wedding party to make up for it (after 30 years). Growing up in the church, hearing and reading about King David, I could never quite mesh the dancing taboo with his psalms and frenzied dancing. Even he danced to the point of embarrassment (I think it was his bride Bathsheba who was ashamed of his dancing in the streets).

cathyswatercolors said...

Your thoughts provide me with a chance to reflect. This is what I'm thinking, self disciplined good,wild and chaotic bad. Simple isn't it. ( I feel like Dr. Science here). My families lives have been filled with wild and silly dancing. When friends would gather for a party,we would move the furniture and try to out do one another.Who could be silliest,was usually our goal. As fall sets in, (the 50's) we dance less, but we haven't stopped laughing, that is by far the most important thing. What a relief a good laugh can bring.... it's almost like dancing. (Thanks ruth for your thoughtful posts I really look forward to them.xox)

Anonymous said...

Oh, Ruth !
Dance now, let your inner dancer totally free !
I have grown in a quite different conditions also in this meaning.
My mother was singing and dancing in the kitchen, when I was a child and I remember, how happy I was then, everything was just fine. My mother could sing all those songs of Lehar`s operettas and much more. She was glad, I felt happy, so it is with mothers and children.
So, I have grown up thinking, that dancing is a happy thing.
But my parents also demanded always both prayer before meals and evening prayer every evening.

And your parents have succeeded to create the most wonderful daughter.
Most rules are made for guarding as you know in the religions and in the parenthood.
And those rules may become very agonizing, if they are too tight.

(Sorry, I was now too serious, thinking too much!)

Ruth said...

I love that thought, Cathy, that laughter and dancing are similar releases. I'm afraid we didn't have much laughter in those early years either, but over time it came. We are quite a happy lot, and if dancing had been in the mix, look out! At my niece's wedding eleven years ago, at our family cottage, we cleared all the furniture out of the living room and danced. Silliness can be very very good. We'll likely need more and more of it as the days around us get darker.

Ruth said...

No, Leena, don't apologize, you are so right, raising children is like trying to hold on to wet soap -- too tight and they slip away. I have always felt the love there between you and your family, oh precious little Melli and all your grandaughters and grandson, and I can imagine it with your mother too. Dancing is a happy thing, and wouldn't it be fun to dance under the midnight sun with all of you!

Susan said...

Ruth, I was raised much like you in a Baptist household, but my dad wasn't a preacher. My mom believed in being at church every time the doors were open and if you missed Sunday school or church, that meant you couldn't go outside to play or watch TV. She wasn't a stickler about dancing and card-playing though. I think she secretly enjoyed watching us. My sisters always watched American Bandstand (they were quite a bit older than I), so I learned all the new dances from them.

I would dance with my kids when they were little. My daughter, Aimee, would beg "Lean me, Mommy!", meaning to dip her. The boys were always reluctant, but I made them dance with me anyway.

My wedding was the most boring one ever recorded! My mom (and our church) were tee-totalers, so no wine or champagne. Not that we could have afforded it. We were poor, so it was done on a shoestring. I would love to relive it with a band and a real dinner with wine and, most of all, dancing. Lots of dancing!

Loring Wirbel said...

High school dances are the most difficult because the best way to dive into rhythm, even if you're clumsy (like me) is to lose all sense of self and become the rhythm. Telling a high-schooler to lose all sense of self is like the old Puritan remedy for curing toothache pain: run three times around a church without thinking of a fox. The more a teenager tries to not be self-conscious, the worse that he/she gets lost in self-consciousness.

And to be Baptist on top of it! Not as weird as Catholic guilt, but still mighty restrictive. I remember a Baptist friend (Lori Schlappi? That name sound familiar?) telling me about Baptist dance restrictions, and I'd say, "Does God know about this? I'm sure he wouldn't agree."

Ruth said...

Susan, those words "every time the doors were open" is one Don and I both have imprinted on our brains. I mean, prayer meeting Wednesday nights when all the old people sat and prayed for an hour, and I was 12, trying not to die of boredom.

But wonderful that your mom let you dance and then you danced with your kids. "Lean me" - how very sweet, oh I can picture it. And I'll bet your boys look back with fondness too.

My eldest sister Susan remarried a few years ago, and my sister Ginnie (Boots) snapped a pic of me dancing with my son Peter. I treasure it! Lesley and Peter learned to dance so well, and they have entertained many dance floors over the years dancing together. You can't help but stand back and watch! Must be all those moves Peter practiced mimicking Michael Jackson and Lesley going to punk rock mosh pits.

Ruth said...

Oh Loring! First, your Puritan analogy is apt and so funny.

LORI SCHLAPPI!!!? Oh dear. She was my best friend through around 6th grade. I lost track of her after that, saw her in the halls at high school of course, but we didn't socialize any more. But my adolescence was spent with her. So many Sunday afternoons at each other's houses or overnights. I had a major crush on Dan. Then I meet Don in college, and his former pastor in Illinois, Carl Holwerda, was brother to Jim Holwerda, our pastor after my dad "retired" and Carl's daughter Sandi married Dan Schlappi!! What a small world. So you were friends with Lori in high school?

Funny thing is, I viewed the Schlappis as very liberal with things like dances and other worldly things, while they were still good Christians. I always wished I could grow up in their house. (I'm sorry, Mom and Dad.)

Were you Catholic?

Babs (Beetle) said...

Oh yes, we must dance and sing. Dancing is quite biblical. I wonder where the 'no dance' rule comes from?

I no longer dance in public, but still have the odd dance in private. It is a natural extension of our happiness :O)

Did you at least dance in private?

VioletSky said...

I grew up in a Mennonite church - no dancing for me either! I sometimes wished my feet were in quick sand so I could be swallowed up in my embarrassment and uncomfortableness. Once I remember our women's group tried to introduce a liturgical dance into the service - it did not go over well, not many people 'got it'.

Loring Wirbel said...

Wow! I don't think I saw Lori or Dan since about sixth grade or so, I have NO idea where they are. Funny how names just bubble up - and then she turned out to be your best friend. Synchronizing.....

Loring Wirbel said...

And did I ever mention to you that Brad Holwerda and Tommy Campbell would always get me in trouble with their insanely criminal neighborhood pranks? Those preachers' kids, ya gotta watch em every second. ;-)

Sharon said...

What an interesting post......so many interesting perspectives on the chaos/order polarity. Interesting too to hear you express a desire to explore outside of your comfort zone and how your childhood and upbringing affected it. I don't really have anything much to add other than that I appreciate your candor and am mulling it all over inside of myself.
My early life experiences were the opposite of yours......an energetic almost reckless mother whose emotional and "actual" chaos was not experienced by me as constructive or life affirming but as uncentering and destructive, hence I too am a big embracer of calm routine with no desire at this point to transcend that. I am okay with life being a quiet and intimate dance. I wonder if some day I will get to where you are and want to explore........
Thanks.

Anet said...

Ruth, I think you should run wildly through the farm yard, naked, waving your arms, screaming and dance in the coop! Wouldn't the chickens like that!!! Hehehe!
Call me if you do any bonfire jumping I'll join in:)

freefalling said...

Ruth, do you drink?

Ruth said...

Babs, it is very strange how this no dancing dogma came out of religion, when you're right, there is a lot of it in the Bible. I don't get it.

My dear, your quesion, "Did you at least dance in private?" - sadly no. I was disconnected from my inner dancer. :(

Ruth said...

Oh Sanna. Maybe you had even more restrictions than I did. But with that vivid quick sand image, it sounds as though you did venture out?

Yes, we went to a church later in life that tried the liturgical dance thing too. I watched it mesmerized, though I wouldn't have wanted to participate. In that church a lot of people did get it, and the other ways the pastor tried to communicate the gospel, believing people have different ways of learning and receiving truth. It was cool actually. Lots of drama that would erupt in the middle of the service, acting out biblical stories.

Ruth said...

I have no idea where they are either, Loring, though I've wondered many times. I don't know Tommy Campbell, but Brad was my good neighborhood buddy. I'm trying to imagine how they got you in trouble, not that I question Brad's prankstership one bit. I, however, was not wild, and so I got left out of all that. :(

Ruth said...

Sharon, that sounds painful, what you describe in your childhood. A "quiet and intimate dance" sounds pretty wonderful.

As I think about Nature, it certainly isn't all "chaos." And I think what I long for is to settle into a more natural rhythm, being open to the movements that come from within, not necessarily bombastic (although I'm having a lot of fun imagining what Anet suggests!), but not so controlled. There is amazing order in Nature. But I would like to undo some of the restraints that keep me from moving in ways that Babs' question got to. Even when alone I haven't danced! I find something lacking in that. Not that I feel bad about it, just want to open up.

Ruth said...

Anet, you make me so happy!! Yes yes yes! Hahahahaha. I'm a little nervous about the coop though, because just yesterday, when Don was gonna be late, I went and gathered eggs and closed up the chickens, and my clog slipped off in the coop. I was wearing a skirt and tights as I hadn't changed after work yet, and I worried about getting poo on my foot! I don't quite see me naked in there yet.

We could be Druid sisters! Yes, I'll let you know!!

Ruth said...

Letty, yes. Wine, an occasional margarita and an occasional beer. But that was not allowed back in the day either. We don't go to church now, but churches here have loosened up about drinking a lot. I would say that many Evangelicals are comfortable with a glass of wine at dinner.

Ginnie Hart said...

There is so much dance in me, Ruth, I think I will die and go to heaven the minute I start! Add to your story what it's like being gay in our family...and even now not wanting to offend or make uncomfortable the nieces and nephews, at THEIR weddings (let alone our sibs). There is a lot of sadness in me over this part of who we aren't yet!

BTW, do I assume correctly that YOU drew that picture?? If so, would you please go back and sign it! G'ma Bennett would be so happy...as would I!

PeterParis said...

Very interesting reading, your post ... and all the comments! This reminds me about what we have (had) a lot of also in Sweden. Actually I think that the country was split up in two parts; one where everything was restricted (no dancing, no drinking, no whatever...), the other half which went to extremes.
Of course I moved from Sweden now 34 years ago and things have obvioulsy changed, in my mind to the better.

Tolerance is what we need! Extremes may lead to other extremes!

Personally I would think also that it is wrong to force children into something with religion as an "excuse". They should have the possibility to make their own religious choice when they have reached the age to hopefully understand these things and can make their own opinion. (I liked your expression about the soap.)

My parents were quite "modern" and tolerant and I have no personal regrets. I always danced (badly) and I can drink a glass of wine or champagne without feeling guilty about it.

I have nothing against religions (although I'm not a believer - at least for the moment), but I have great difficulties to accept fanatism.

Another thing which in my opinion is wrong is to mix religion and politics. I beleive that the State and religions should be seperated. Let people believe if they wish and in what they wish, but don't impose it. We know that the mixture of religion and politics still leads to extremes in some countries. (This is of course not the case in the US, but I must admit that I'm still surprised when your political leaders often refer to God in their speaches.)

Loring Wirbel said...

I just remembered another odd link in the causal chain: Jim Holwerda's wife (Sue?) was my dad's steady girlfriend in high school - in Grand Rapids, not Grand Ledge. And I think they went to the high school prom together, which means she must have gotten to dance then. Do rules against dancing have something to do with denying the inner anarchist? Or chaos theorist? I had a Russian studies professor who believed that Russians were some of the most anarchistic people around, and they insisted on having authoritarian or totalitarian leaders because of fear of their inner anarchist. And you know what one of the world's greatest anarchists, Emma Goldman, was famous for saying: "If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution."

Susan said...

Ruth, we have another thing in common. David and I no longer attend church either. His Grandpa was a Baptist preacher. I think it was all that narrow-minded thinking that we grew up with. I really feel no connection to any of that dogma anymore. Sometimes I miss the music, though.

Don said...

church was so defining and yet so abhorrent to me. I have great memories of fun in sunday school with friends, and also terrible repercussions as I was forced to watch the other students square dance as it was against my religion! That didn't make me a nerd did it?

we keep talking about ball room dance classes. maybe it's time?

Loring Wirbel said...

Don and Ruth on Dancing with the Stars. Got my vote.

We were Congregationalists in Grand Ledge. That meant closet communists and devil worshipers. The PK at Congregational was Jamie Thompson, he introduced me to Mad magazine and hippie music.

Sidney said...

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.-Japanese Proverb-

Never trust a spiritual leader who cannot dance. -Mr. Miyagi-

Ruth said...

Boots, did you always have the dance in you? Restriction on top of restrictions, I know it's been excruciating. It will be wonderful to see you and Donica dance at Lesley and Brian's wedding.

Yes, I drew the picture, I'll try to do as you ask, sweet sister. :)

Ruth said...

I agree with you, Peter, that we have come a long way toward tolerance, but we have a long way to go. When a president can't be elected in this country without swearing allegiance to a Christian belief system, as well as to the country, I know there is more that needs to happen. This is not a theocracy, yet some act as though it is. Those words together "for God and country" have sure caused a lot of bloodshed and pain.

I will be interested to watch our children raise children, because while we were forced to go to church, and we in turn made our kids go, now that we have evolved away from it, what will they do with theirs? I think it's good to have some basic teaching in faith, something to work on and wrestle with, but with freedom to listen to the inner voice, that to me is quite divine.

I respect church goers, but I think it all started when someone wanted to control someone else.

Ruth said...

Are ya kidding me, Loring?? Now that's just crazy! Did they go to public school? I love Sue, and I met her mom many times when she visited. Lots of hours sitting on that big old front porch (that was mine before it was there). Wow, this is all just too much fun.

That is absolutely fascinating about the inner anarchist! And it being genetic according to your professor!

"If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution." I could substitute "religion."

There's a book by J.B. Phillips titled "Your God is Too Small." I think when people create god they create him in their own image.

Ruth said...

I meant it was mine before it was theirs, about the house.

Ruth said...

Susan, that is quite interesting. Don and I have tried to go back occasionally, and it's the narrow-minded dogmas for us too that keeps us away. Don misses having church friends, and I can see that. It's hard to make friends without being part of that "church club" thing. You should hear Don in his big bass voice bust out into a hymn once in a while, and that makes me die laughing. Some of the music really is lovely, and it's way down inside me.

Ruth said...

Oh Don, I forgot all about square dancing! Thankfully I didn't have to live thru the humiliation of having to sit that out in gym class. You could never be a nerd.

I was thinking the same thing about dance lessons. Sign me up! We have an obligation to our daughter and future son-in-law for the farm wedding, don't you think? Although bonfire jumping would be easier and cheaper. :D

Ruth said...

Loring, full circle back to Nautankey's comment about dancing like fireflies.

Hey, did Mr. Funtukis go there too? Wasn't he the head wizard of the Grand Ledge coven? :)

Oh I was meaning to ask you, do you know the Decemberists? They're playing at MSU soon.

Ruth said...

Hahaha, Sidney! I love both of those quotes, but together they are downright brilliant, saying something about spiritual leaders being fools! :D

Prasad said...

eerrrrr.....dan wot??? i cant dance to save my life!! tho i do shake a bit of my body after some major drinks and compulsion of others :P

well somebody has to make an as* of himself to hav a good laff!

Babs (Beetle) said...

You have made me sad now :(

Please, please have a little drink (or two), put some happy music on and just start by swaying to the beat!

Good happy music that you usually can't help moving to is calypso. Give it a go - for me :O)

Loring Wirbel said...

Ruth, I don't think Mr. Funtukis was a congregationalist, though I might have missed seeing him there. I remember the backbones being Fitzgeralds, Brooks, hmmm....

The Decemberists are wonderful, the lead singer, Colin Meloy is clever and fun, with ideas bouncing off him everywhere like billiard balls. And the band is sort of like The Arcade Fire, in that they like to wander out into the audience with tuba, violin, guitar, and just start a rollicking revival experience.

Ruth said...

Prasad, I think there must be very few people who love to dance AND are good at it. My husband thinks all women look good dancing, even if they're not really good dancers. He thinks most men look bad.

The thing is, who cares, as long as it's happy?

Ruth said...

Babs, thank you for being sad with me. It is pretty sad. But we can easily get happy fast by doing some dancing. You go first. And I'll follow your helpful instructions.

One song I can't sit still to, I found out accidentally when it came on our Sirius player: Stevie Wonder's "Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing." Just ask Don.

Ruth said...

Loring, oh yeah, the church out on the edge of town. I went to Frank's viewing there.

Oh the Decemberists sound fun! Talk about not sitting still. I think they were last night, since now they are no longer on the Wharton Center's site. :|

christina said...

Aww...Ruth, if I told you how much you were speaking to my soul with this post, you wouldn't believe me. ; )

I'm "learning to dance".

Is it fair to say I'm bonded to you, through Beato? : )

I love the picture, it is beautiful to me.

Ruth said...

Christina, yes I would.

Yay.

Yes!! :)

And thank you. How very very very nice.

Ruth said...

Loring, look what I found:

"I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance." ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Quite like Emma Goldman's in a contra-dance sort of way, no?

Loring Wirbel said...

Ouch! The image of Nietzsche and Goldman contra-dancing is great.

raining sheep said...

You know what they say "dance like no one is watching" :)

Anonymous said...

Wow what a sketch mom! You should illustrate stories for dad...it'd be quite the duo.

Ruth said...

Raining Sheep, for most of us I think that's the best option. :)

Ruth said...

Thanks Bo, that would be fun.

Bob Johnson said...

Love the drawing, did you do it? Ruth if you only knew what I was like as a kid, scary stuff,lol.

My wife came from a methodist background, no dancing, no card games, so she rebelled, that's how she met me,lol, she even lived on a hippie commune, oh and she loves dancing, and I didn't.

sandy said...

waving hello, still problems on my end,

Ruth said...

Hi Bob, yes I drew it, and thanks.

I think you turned out ok, right? And your wife must have come from very different methodists from the ones in my neighborhood! And a hippie commune, wow, groovy. :D

But why don't you like dancing? Your poor wife. You do dance with her, yes?

Ruth said...

Hi Auntie Sandy, ouch, that's been going on a while.

Barry said...

WOW, 60 comments and counting! You post on dancing has really touched a nerve.

I can't dance, but that has never stopped my from getting up on the dance floor and having some of the most joyful moments of my life.

Of course the women whose feet I left crushed and disabled, may have wished I'd stayed sitting at the back of the room in a quiet corner.

Ruth said...

Hi, Barry. I loved the comments on dancing, and yours is funny! My conclusion after the comments here is that anyone can dance, because it's how you feel on the inside that counts. That doesn't mean people won't get hurt along the way. :D

Don said...

Because I grew up Baptist and couldn't even square dance, I dance at weddings and the dj's threaten to shut everything down if I don't stop!

Rock on Ruth

Chica, Cienna, and Cali said...

that's a pretty sketch, Ruth!!!!! you are mighty talented!!!!

regarding dance, the part of India I come from (northern), dancing is inevitably a part of any and every happy gathering/occasion, specially marriages....contrast this with the part of India my husband comes from (eastern)where dancing is fervently looked down upon.........so for our wedding, the celebrations that were held at my place had all my friends, cousins dancing and they made sure my in laws join them.......the sporting people that they are, they actually joined us, initially reluctantly...and then I could see them enjoying (to my amazement)....but the fact that many from their culture were not present helped break their inhibitons (to an extent)............

Personally, I love to dance..but not because an occasion demands it but when I want to ......I want you to see a Cadbury's ad that was released in India long back......i was still a little girl then, but heck, I wanted to dance like the girl in the ad, every time I was happy like that.....you can watch it here....hope you enjoy it

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H10V5_neQrA

Mrs. M. said...

60-some comments, and this is my thought on the trail-end:

I'm 12. You, dear aunt, are gone...off and married to that college boy I spied on behind the couches at home. Now in 7th grade, and trying to convince Mom why I should go to jr. high dances. Who do I turn to? My surrogate g'ma, Lu, of course! Her advice to Susan: painting nails and dances aren't worth the conflict. Let her go. Show her you trust her.

When I was in jr. high Lu was my favorite g'ma (adoptive as was) because she understood. (so different than barbara who chewed out susan in hawaii for my white string bikini!!)

Ruth said...

hahaha, Don. :D

Ruth said...

Oh thank you, Moi. :)

I loved your wedding story! That's a prime example of two very different families coming together in a blending compromise. Wonderful!

And that video dance is hilarious!!! What a great ad.

Ruth said...

Oh man, Mrs. M. I wish I'd had a Grandma Lu, well I did, but I wasn't 12. She really did embrace parts of life I wasn't used to a church lady embracing. And you know, I think she set the tone at Wilmot Rd, no? I'm so happy for you that you had that balance in life. "Let her go. Show her you trust her." That is a brilliant parenting model.

Gwen Buchanan said...

dancing is the most wonderful feeling.. I'd rather if nobody watched... to just move in the dark... to let yourself go and be free... no words necessary... emotions and music flowing through every cell...

one of my favourite things...


I have missed you too.. I love your drawing!!!

Ruth said...

Oh Gwen, why did it seem so long that you were away?? Thank you, your compliment means a lot on the drawing.

Wonderful image of you dancing in the dark.